Joining the fire service is an extraordinary journey filled with purpose, learning and a deep desire to serve. It’s not a solo endeavour; every firefighter’s decision to step into the line of duty profoundly impacts their entire family—partners, children, parents and extended loved ones.

The fire service isn’t just a job; it’s a lifestyle with unique challenges and rewards. Preparing your family for what lies ahead is essential. Throughout my career, I’ve witnessed many exceptional firefighters struggle with family dynamics, some facing divorce or fractured relationships. Others reluctantly left the service they cherished because they hadn’t fully included their families in decision-making. My journey reflects the importance of family involvement. I contemplated volunteering for over a year, engaging in deep discussions with my wife as we weighed the pros and cons of serving while building a family and maintaining a healthy relationship. After careful consideration, we decided together that it was the right time. The rest, as they say, is history.

Five must-have conversations when joining the fire service

Understanding the commitment

Whether volunteer or career, becoming a firefighter requires significant time and energy. Families need to understand the unpredictability of the schedule, the long hours and the physical and emotional demands. Sit down with your loved ones to explain:

• What shift schedules will look like.
• The reality of being called away during holidays, family dinners, or the middle of the night. Preplan how to manage these situations without leaving your family in a lurch, and be realistic.
• How these demands will impact family routines and your availability.

The emotional rollercoaster

Firefighting is emotionally taxing. Firefighters witness traumatic events that can take a toll on mental health. Talk with your family about:

• The importance of mental health and emotional resilience.
• Preplan how you will communicate and seek support when needed.
• Resources like counselling or peer support networks that are often available for firefighters and their families.
• Co-create a transition ritual when you come home from the fire station—transitioning from being a firefighter to being a mom, dad or partner.

Safety on the job

Firefighting comes with inherent risks, which can be a source of anxiety for families. Be transparent about:

• Safety protocols and training that prioritize your protection.
• The steps you take to reduce risks to help them feel more comfortable with this new role.

Family expectations and support

Open communication about what you need from your family can prevent misunderstandings and foster teamwork. Discuss:

• How can they support your career (e.g., scheduling flexibility, understanding the need for decompression time)?
• How you’ll balance family life and fire service responsibilities.

The community aspect

The fire service is like a second family. Share with your loved ones:

• The camaraderie and support you’ll experience within your department.
• Opportunities for your family to connect with other firefighter families through events or programs.
• How this sense of community can help them feel less isolated.

The fire service’s role in supporting families

The fire service has a critical responsibility to support firefighters and their families. Building a culture of inclusivity and understanding helps create a more sustainable career for firefighters and fosters a sense of belonging for their loved ones. Here are a few ways fire departments can step up:

Family orientation programs

Recruits’ families often have questions and concerns. Departments can host orientation sessions to:

• Provide an overview of what to expect.
• Share tips for navigating the challenges of being a firefighter family.
• Connect families with peer mentors or support networks.

Becoming a firefighter is a team effort, and that team starts at home.

Ongoing family events

Family events, from BBQs to holiday parties, are fantastic ways to welcome and include loved ones. These gatherings strengthen relationships within the department and allow families to bond over shared experiences.

Counselling and support services

Departments should educate firefighters and their families and provide them access to counselling and peer support programs. Spouses and children benefit from understanding and managing the stressors of having a loved one in emergency services.

Acknowledging sacrifices

Firefighter families sacrifice a great deal to support their loved ones. Departments can show appreciation by:

• Recognizing families during milestones, such as promotions or retirements.
• Ensuring families feel valued as part of the department’s extended community.

Creating a culture of welcoming families

The fire service is often called a “brotherhood” or “sisterhood,” but extending that sense of belonging to families strengthens the entire department. Welcoming families into the fold helps reduce many spouses’ or children’s isolation when their loved one is called away at 2 a.m. for a car crash or misses a vital family event due to duty.

Departments can:

• Host workshops on how families can support their firefighter’s mental health and resilience.
• Create a “buddy system” that pairs experienced firefighter families with new ones.
• Develop resources like family guides or newsletters to keep everyone informed and connected.

Becoming a firefighter is a team effort, and that team starts at home. Having open, honest conversations with your family and fostering mutual understanding sets the stage for a successful and fulfilling career. At the same time, the fire service must embrace its role in supporting families, creating a culture that values and uplifts the loved ones who make this noble profession possible. Together, we can ensure that every firefighter—and their family—thrives on this incredible journey.

Arjuna George (Fire Chief, Ret.) has transitioned his leadership and resilience expertise into coaching and consulting for the fire service community. Connect with him at silverarrowco.com or via arjuna@silverarrowco.com.